Art by Nina Gojko
Aries (March 21-April 19)
The second step of Proactiv will become your best friend.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Khaki shorts look good on very few people. Keep that in mind.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
That thing you’ve been worrying about for months is going to make you wake up in a cold sweat. It’d be a lot less weird if you knew whose sweat it was.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Change your ringtone. The “Kim Possible” one is giving people ‘Nam flashbacks.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
The lion sleeps tonight, but the tiger sure doesn’t.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
The new police dog is actually looking for the PB&Js that mysteriously went missing, your suspicions were right.
Libra (September 23- October 22)
The school nurses have baby wipes!
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
He ain’t worth it, sweetie.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
You got out of bed today! Good job!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
You are not certified to wear Thrasher. That is all.
Aquarius (January 20-February 20)
You dropped your water bottle. It magically flew across the auditorium lobby.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
This town ain’t big enough for all this sass.