Placing spotlight on shoulders


Madeline Steward, Photos editor

Freshman Jake Toon sits in his chemistry class, wide awake and ready to learn. As his pencil slowly rolls off his desk, he reaches down to grab it and something catches his attention. It is one of his female classmates sitting nearby, but it’s not her welcoming smile or sly joke that distracts him. It’s her uncovered shoulders. This is now all Toon can focus on, cancelling out his teacher, his friends, and even the bell. He, like many others, is a victim of a growing epidemic.
Recent studies have shown that roughly 53 percent of boys, ages 11 to 19, in the U.S. have been failing over half of their courses in school. The cause is none other than the original, natural aphrodisiac: bare female shoulders.
Toon is an example of this flourishing plague, as he confesses that he’s unable to even make it through a whole day without spotting and obsessing over shoulders. Prior to warm weather, Toon maintained a 3.8 GPA. Now, he claims he’s lucky to get a D+ on his exams and is sliding by with a 1.2 GPA.
“I honestly think I’d be able to concentrate better in class if a girl had on mini-skirt and a see through shirt, just as long as she was sure to cover her shoulders,” Toon said.
Others seem to find female shoulders just as distracting as Toon does. According to a poll on, the most distracting part of a school environment is shoulders, beating out both fights and phones. Also to note, most boys begin to go through puberty between the ages 9 to 14, releasing hormones making them more lustful. Scientist Tina Tuvi says flaunting bare shoulders in front of young hormonal boys is like holding out your blood for a shark.
“You can’t expect these boys to not focus on shoulders,” Tuvi said. “It’s in their nature to crave women. Shoulders are a distraction. Plain and simple.”
Mothers and teachers are pleading that parents enforce strict rules and monitor what their daughters are wearing to school.
Toon’s mother, Linda Toon has expressed her concerns for her son’s future if “the shoulder problem” isn’t contained. She worries if Toon cannot be in a shoulder free environment, he will not be able to graduate.
“I’m not sure if this is what the girls are trying to do, but it needs to stop right now,” Linda said. “I just want my son to have the best education possible, and these girls are getting the upper hand by distracting them.”
Shoulders are not only restricting in the classroom, but during extracurriculars also. A recent case at Tuning High School in Austin, Texas involved several of the school’s top athletes being benched due to poor grades. Senior Jo Lacklin, starting quarterback at Tuning, hasn’t played a single game yet. He blames his failing grades in five out of his seven classes on the sinful shoulders of his female peers.
“I’ll be studying, and it’s great, then I’ll look to my left and all I can focus on are these breath-taking shoulders,” Lacklin said. “Once, I was so overwhelmed that I had to leave class. It’s just so unfair that my education is limited because girls don’t dress correctly.”
Most girls don’t seem to see the issue with their dress, believing it is not their fault. SHS junior Julia Beets says she wears non-sleeved clothing often and doesn’t understand the fault. Beets states she has no intentions of taking away from male students around her and thinks everyone should stop focusing on this “non issue.”
“Literally, it’s just hot,” Beets said. “We all have shoulders. We are all sweating in this hot classroom. Control yourself and get over it.”
With boys’ grades continuously dropping, should the weight of this burden sit on the girls’ shoulders, or do the boys simply need to “get over it”?