I’ve spent my entire life feeling like I didn’t fit in. 

It’s normal, isn’t it?

I’ve always wanted to feel accepted. Longing to have that certainty to know my place in this world is something I’ve always anticipated. So, I put on a smile and try to fit in wherever I felt was right. I got the grades my parents told me to get,I’d say yes most of the time and laugh when I’m supposed to. I was as good as I was expected to be. 

But I still felt left out. No matter how many times I tried to fit in, it just seemed like all my efforts weren’t good enough. I got tired of fitting in. In all honesty, I just wanted to feel like I truly belonged somewhere. 

As my eighth-grade year came to an end, I decided to change. I knew that it was time I tried life on my own but the pandemic hit. We were forced to quarantine, leaving us with no physical contact with people other than ourselves. This left me feeling completely lost. 

I was forced to hang out with myself and find things that I enjoy, rather than what my friends liked or what my Pinterest board said. 

I was in a dark place for a while. I started to question who I was or why I was here. I watched many motivational videos to seek answers but the only “answers” I ever got were the typical “love yourself” or “try standing out.” They didn’t help me. 

Every day, I wished that everything would go back to the way it was. I wanted to land on something I was familiar with. I desired to find my own home rather than going into someone else’s. 

My path was difficult and I struggled a lot, but I finally got there. I finally found a home within myself.

I learned that trying to fit in will never get me home. Fitting in is about trying to adapt to a world that is not my own. Even though there are times I feel like no one gets me, I  remind myself daily that I am not on my own, and that there are so many people in the world who feel the same way. 

In the past, it was easy to fit in, or should I say blend in and hide among others.  But as I went on my journey, I learned that it was also the easiest way to lose the most important parts of myself. As cliche as it sounds, I did deserve to be seen and heard. I deserved to be known for myself and not a fragment of what I picked up from others. The home I was frantically searching for was already here within me.