Congress and gun control? The unlikely duo

New congressional group deemed “NEVER” set to start the conversation about weapon regulation nation-wide


Photo-illustration by Logan Flake, free-use images from Google

This image was shown on the Z-Span TV channel for approximately 4 hours as discussions about “NEVER” happened in congress.

Emma Wiese, Reporter


“It has the potential to be incredible,” Donald Ronald Jonald, an Ohio Congressman says.“It could, someday soon, have a huge effect on gun control.”

Jonald is talking about Congress’ new and improved mission statement, Not Even Very Effective Really, dubbed NEVER by several representatives. NEVER states that they will ‘plan on talking about creating a think tank to hire a board of people to talk about possible solutions to gun control.’

“Of course, we mean that, once we start talking about guns, they won’t be effective anymore.” Jonald says, “Talking about them will make them lose all of  their powers. That’s why it’s called NEVER.”

This is not the first group in Congress to talk about gun control. Other groups similar to NEVER, such as groups GONNA and HAPPEN, began conversations on gun control after Sandy Hook and Orlando, respectively. Both groups lost direction once Fox News stopped covering these shootings. However, NEVER advocates are hopeful that the most recent versions of these talks may lead somewhere.

“This is a huge step in the right direction.” Jonald says, “It might even be called a skip, or a leap in the right direction. It’s a vault in the right direction.”

NEVER was begun by several Congressmen and women who decided that it was perhaps the time to sort of talk about gun control, in the wake of the Vegas shooting, which happened a little over a month ago, and the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando of June last year.

“We think it might be the right time to talk,” Alabama Senator Butch B. Borax said. “And NEVER could, possibly, perhaps, maybe, for all one knows, it could be, it may be, it’s possible, possibly, conceivably, peradventure, perchance, likely, probably, certainly, surely, assumably, presumably, presumably, supposedly, supposedly as it may, could be, feasibly, imaginably, might be, weather permitting, presumptively, haply, it may, potentially, as the case may be, arguably, assumably, belike, believably, debatably, in all likelihood, God willing, be the beginning to a solution to the violence. Maybe.”

However, due to the huge increase in gun violence in recent years, NEVER advocates have been warned to tread carefully. A group in the House of Representatives, calling themselves the anti-NEVERs, warn that talking about gun control is stripping gun carrying citizens of their rights. NEVER supporters are only a little bit deterred.

“It’s a complicated subject.” Borax said. “It’s not as simple as just making different laws. We have to talk about it for a really long time. And then we have to take a break from talking, to get some perspective. And then, we can come back to talking about it, get other citizens’ point of views on it. And then, we possibly could, weather permitting, start writing new rules.”