Sam’s Club CEO Smith A. Weston announced earlier this week that Sam’s Club stores all across the American South will be introducing a section dedicated to various assortments of weaponry sometime in 2018. The reveal was made in grandiose fashion, with Weston pumping three whole AR-15 rounds into a curtain, which disintegrated to expose shelves full of weapons ranging from pistols to rocket launchers. This method of reveal was met with heavy cheers from the crowd that had gathered to watch the event.

Weston says that the positive reaction towards his newest business endeavor was humbling, but also entirely expected.

“I’ve known for a long time that the prospect of buying four-packs of pump-action shotguns and 300-count bundles of RPG rounds is exactly what this country needed and was begging for,” Weston said. “I figured there was no better time than the present, a time in which peace has finally been achieved through an influx of gun availability, to strike. It seems as if I was right.”

Among those at the event was single mother Rebecca Remington. Remington says she is elated at the idea of being able to purchase guns in bulk to protect her two children, 4-year-old Casey Springfield and 9-year-old Galvin Glock, if need be.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t expect to have to resort to any rash actions since I know that the very concept of guns being more accessible makes for a safer country,” Remington said. “But, if some no-good Yankee who didn’t get the memo ever tried to threaten my family, it’s going to be nice knowing that I have an entire arsenal of ways to tell that hick to hit the road. Plus, I think those grenade two-packs would make great stocking-stuffers for my boys. It’s a win-win, really.”

Senior and long-time NRA supporter Bobby Barrett, who watched Weston’s reveal live on TV from his basement, which he’s deemed his “Trump Tavern,” says he loves the fact that it will be so easy for him to go in and get “exactly what he needs” without having to worry about any harsh background checks or registration getting in the way.

“Weston said all I’ll need is my valid Sam’s Club membership card and I’ll be good-to-go,” Barrett said. “I mean, my criminal record is squeaky-clean, and there’s nothing on it that should limit my access to guns. I promise. It’s just so hard for me in my advanced age (of 18) to be able to put myself through all of the nitty-gritty required to get guns at actual gun shops nowadays. Now, with Sam’s Club, I’ll have a way around that.”