Dear reader,

For some reason, people loathe being single.

I am no longer one of those people.

Since eighth grade, I never was content with being single. I hated it. That year, I rushed into a relationship, just because I was convinced being single was a sin. However, being attached to someone made me incredibly unhappy, and I ended up breaking it off after a measly week and a half. I went on a few dates since then, but I never liked it at all. I always felt there was something missing.

Then, junior year hit. I was slammed with my classes, extracurriculars and community service, so I didn’t have time for fun, let alone dating. Starting that busy year felt like the end of my love life.

But here’s the thing – it was just the beginning. Although I was hopelessly, completely and utterly single, I gained an unexpected companion: myself. I learned how to be emotionally independent, as I had nobody to invest my wholehearted emotions in but me.

Alone, I became my own cheerleader. I stopped looking for others to give me recognition, but celebrated my own personal victories myself. I started to acknowledge my strengths and pushed myself to improve my weaknesses. In addition to motivating myself, I began to solve problems on my own. I was the first person I came to with a problem, often surprising myself in my (not-so-new) ability to fix little things. Instead of going to others, I reflected with myself, making clearer and sounder decisions with my own interests in mind, for once. If I was always in a relationship, I never would have had the chance to grow as an independent thinker and doer.

And back then, I worried so much about how others saw me, but I thought about how my future self would feel reflecting back on me now. Being single gave me the opportunity to realize I wanted to impress that girl, not some boy I met on Instagram.

Reader, take this lesson from me. Alone does not mean lonely. You are your most loyal confidant.

Moving on, I realized what was so wrong before. You can’t truly be happy in a relationship without coming to terms with yourself. I had not yet appreciated myself or truly loved who I was, so how could I expect anybody else to? Before, I was uncomfortable with the idea of relationships, since I hated that I needed someone to feel complete. However, what I really needed was someone who complemented me. Not all relationships last forever, but because the one with yourself never ends, it’s the most crucial one you’ll ever have.

Most importantly, not focusing on a partner allowed me to truly appreciate those around me. Maybe I wasn’t in love with anybody, but I loved, and was loved by many supporting friends and family.

Sending you much love during this cuffing season,

Chloe