What does it take to keep a child alive and healthy?
Most parents would say a roof over their head, clothes, food and water, right? Mine would. A lot of people think about the physical aspect when we’re talking about health.
However, many adults forget about their child’s emotional well- being and what it takes to keep their child emotionally stable.
I know this based on personal experience. My dad isn’t the emotional type, and he never really has been. My mother normally carried the emotional load, but she was asleep half of the time. And if she wasn’t, I was probably at my grandma’s house.
The emotional support really wasn’t there as much as the physical. And once it was just my dad and us kids, we kind of had to connect. It didn’t really work as much as we all tried. The disconnect had already formed, and he was never taught how to express his emotions.
When I was younger, I was very sensitive and in tune with my emotions. I cried freely and often, like children do. However, my feelings were hardly validated so I grew out of it quickly, believing that I was too much of a crybaby. I learned to bury my emotions instead of managing them.
Even now, at 16, I don’t know how to identify my emotions. I know how they feel at the moment, but I can’t name them anymore. I’ve learned coping mechanisms and how to manage my emotions through therapy instead of parental guidance.
A kid needs more than the bare minimum to feel safe, important and protected. Many parents simply forget this or back off about the issue as their kid grows more independent.
What parents don’t understand is that kids need them the most emotionally at this point in their lives because they’re growing and their hormones are displaced and shifted.
According to Psychology Today, kids need to know that their emotions are valid and that even their negative or “messy” feelings are accepted to feel known and understood.
We don’t need lectures on how much we’re not stressed or how the real world will be. We need comfort and reassurance. We need to be heard.
When a child’s emotions are undermined by their guardian, they often feel like their emotions aren’t important, especially at a younger age. It may make the child grow up thinking that their emotions, stress and feelings aren’t as valuable as other peoples.
When children are constantly told their emotions are too much or unimportant, it leads the child to question their own reactions and emotional experiences.
Now, not all parents do this on purpose. Many guardians and parents undermine their children’s emotions without even realizing or thinking about the damage it may cause.
Most of the time, the behavior stems from how the parents were raised. Parents who grew up with the same emotional disconnect will often repeat the pattern with their own children.
Sometimes, parents don’t know how to respond to a certain behavior or emotion their kid is displaying. It’s easier for them to just shut down the emotions rather than respond in a way which may seem awkward.
Good parenting, however, is supposed to be uncomfortable. You have to be uncomfortable to grow and learn. Parenting isn’t always smooth sailing. Good parents know that sometimes to begin learning, you fi rst have to unlearn what you were taught.
Parents typically use the parenting strategies that they grew up with. Not everybody was raised with great parents or healthy traditions.
It was never supposed to be easy. We have to take initiative to solve the problem, and it’s hard because we’re kids.
