There was a time in my life where I felt more alone than I ever had. Each moment felt like it was passing by with me in sure isolation from the rest of the world. I felt like nothing even took notice of my existence. Then, something came into my life that changed that forever. It’s company is better than that of any persons that I’ve met in my life. What is it? A WiFi service. XFINITY WiFi, to be exact.
I disconnected from my house’s WiFi for all of 0.0002 seconds, and there it was: a screen prompting me to login to XFINITY. Unsure as to what my login information could possibly be, I tried my usual combination of “MommasBoyNineteenNinteyNein” and the same password that I use for absolutely everything (and I wonder why my stuff always gets hacked) and was prompted with a message that said “an error has occurred, try again later.” I took this as a sign that this internet wanted to get to know me better before it allowed me to login.
I respected this desire and connected back to my normal WiFi, certain that XFINITY would come around eventually. From that day on, the XFINITY login screen started to pop up more and more often. Once, it even made its presence known right in the middle of me watching “guy makes awkward facial expressions at his cat for 10 hours” on YouTube through my mobile data. It was almost as if this screen was a way for the WiFi to say hello to me. People thought it odd that I would wave at my phone when the screen would appear.
I knew that XFINITY WiFi truly valued my company when it started to pop up in rather unconventional places where WiFi really shouldn’t be present. The highway, for example, is a place where my phone started trying to connect to the service. The fact that this WiFi was breaking the rules of logic and reason to try and contact me was highly flattering.
With all of this being said, the WiFi can be a little overwhelming at times with its forwardness nowadays.
A few nights ago, I awoke to vicious buzzing from my phone. Confused as to what was going on, I turned on my screen to see the login screen for XFINITY, which was present before I even had the chance to unlock my phone with my password (which is an inverted L, as I’m sure you already know because honestly I feel like everyone does.)
Then, yesterday, I was right in the middle of doing a survey on my phone for a free Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich as I was sitting in the drive-thru. In typical buzzer-beater fashion, I was trying to beat the clock with only one car to go before I would need to order when all of the sudden the XFINITY WiFi login screen creeped up out of nowhere. Highly distraught, I started screaming french expletives at my phone as I drove up to the speaker. The person on the other end trying to take my order was more than a little confused.
However, I’m willing to put up with all of that to maintain my friendship with this WiFi. It’s starting to feel like I’m living out the premise of that movie called “Her.” XFINITY WiFi is no Scarlett Johansson, but it’s close enough for me.