“The last time we had a fire drill we were really close,” principal Ryan Bright said. “We were only off by four, maybe five seconds…tops. So, this time around, we really tried to push the staff and students to get out of the building faster. We were really excited about being so close to the prospect of receiving the Federal Foundation for Public High School Fire Escape Route Safety (FFPHSFERS) bonus for the first time in 17 years. Plus, SHS would have been entered into a contest to be featured in next month’s FFPHSFERS newsletter. But, you know, there’s always next month. This was just a small setback. We’ll get there.”

Last week, all SHS staff and students participated in a mandatory monthly fire drill. This year, the company that regulates all fire safety in the Midwest, the FFPHSFERS, decided to incentivise schools to evacuate their buildings faster. According to Bright, SHS is typically very close to receiving the incentive, however, due to one junior Chris Lassie, SHS did not receive the bonus for this month’s fire drill.

With this new incentive, schools can receive a monetary bonus ranging anywhere from $2,000 to $5,500 each month. All schools have to do to do is meet the evacuation time that corresponds with the size of the school and the number of students in the building at the time of the evacuation. According to assistant to the regional manager at FFPHSFERS, Dwight Rute, SHS was just three seconds away from the goal time last month, and this month, many staff members, including Bright, were confident that SHS would receive the bonus.

However during the fire drill for February, SHS was 10 seconds too slow, making it one of the slowest months in FFPHSFERS history, according to Rute.

“Is Southport capable of making it out of the building in a short enough time to receive our incentive? Yes,” Rute said, “Will they ever? False. They will not, because they are not capable of making it out of the building in a short enough time to receive our incentive.”

Lassie, who was responsible for SHS not receiving the bonus, says he heard the fire drill, but he was afraid to go outside because he had to stay connected to the school’s WiFi in order for his snapchat to one of his friends to send. According to Lassie, he saw the “little sand timer” next to his friend’s name and he knew that if he didn’t send a snapchat as soon as possible, he would lose his 97 day snap streak with some kid he barely knows.

“I simply could not bear the thought of losing a snap streak with someone I met once on a subway when I visited Chicago 98 days ago,” Lassie said. “Keeping my snap streaks alive is basically all I live for anymore. Without them, my live has no purpose, no meaning.”

Even though Lassie was called down to Bright’s office for a meeting with his parents and administration regarding the disturbance of the evacuation drill, Lassie says he doesn’t feel bad for staying inside the school when he should have evacuated like the rest of his peers. Lassie says he suspects he has been the topic of many all staff emails and meetings, but he says he doesn’t care about what people say about him. He only cares about one thing, and that’s keeping any and all snap streaks, even with people he doesn’t know.

“There will be another possibility for Southport to get money next month, bro,” Lassie said. “So everyone needs to chill, but snap streaks are once in a lifetime. How can you pass that up?”