Chicken smacker fever

Students describe their experiences with growing lunch phenomenon

Sophomore+Jim+Jimmerson+stands+with+%22cautious+excitement%22+as+he+stands+in+front+of+the+%22soulless%2C+lifeless%22+chicken+smackers+line+to+receive+the+first+bag+of+smackers+distributed+for+the+day.

Zachary Smith

Sophomore Jim Jimmerson stands with "cautious excitement" as he stands in front of the "soulless, lifeless" chicken smackers line to receive the first bag of smackers distributed for the day.

Haley Miller, Reporter

 

Released a minute early from geometry, freshman Mikey Smith walked leisurely with his friends to the cafeteria on Monday, July 31. Though he hadn’t been at SHS for long, Smith says he was fairly certain he knew the essentials of the cafeteria lines. He said he planned to quickly get his lunch and sit with friends to discuss the upcoming polygon lesson in geometry. But, he knew something was off when a horde of angry sophomores nearly trampled him in a “smacker-induced frenzy.”

When Smith arrived to the cafeteria, he saw a picture that he said could only be described as a manifestation of Dante’s “Inferno.” The sole chicken smacker line spilled out of Door 1, where students who got in line hours before still remained.

“I imagine standing in the chicken smacker line is similar to being stuck in purgatory,” English teacher Rent Rockelman said. “Last year I had numerous students show up late to class, clutching chicken smackers and shaking. Sometimes they just wouldn’t come at all.”

Several students, who have chosen to remain anonymous, have reported being shunned by students and teachers alike for cutting the line to stand with a friend.

“Everybody has to go through the chicken smacker line alone. It’s every man for himself,” junior Corey Menkins said. “One time I collapsed just before I reached the cash register. The guy behind me took my smackers and stepped over my limp body.”

According to Menkins, students in third lunch have the strongest allegiance to smackers yet are “burdened” with the smallest odds of receiving them, due to the cafeteria often selling out by the end of second lunch. Menkins said the combination of “devotion and deprivation” has made students in third lunch more prone to violence, depression and anxiety. Sophomore Rick “The Smacker” Jones said his mental health was deeply impacted after being forced into last lunch.

“I dropped speech and took psychology just to get some help,” Jones said. “I knew it was time after the first smacker day. I was standing in line, nearly inside the doors, when someone walked by me with their tray of smackers. I just remember a single tear rolling down my cheek before I blacked out.”

The chicken smacker support group, sponsored by Rockelman, meets every Monday at 6:30 a.m. and during every iPass. The group works on coping skills and anger management.

“This is a judgment-free zone,” Rockelman said. “We can help you. Chicken smackers don’t have to control your life anymore.”