As sophomore Josh Stewart sat down to read the latest issue of his favorite school newspaper, The Journal, he expected nothing but one hundred percent true news from his trusted news source. However, he couldn’t believe his eyes when he read a story in a section titled The Red Onion about a student walking into a store of products only for men.

“I can’t believe that would actually happen to someone,” Stewart said. “It’s despicable, really.”

Other stories that baffled Stewart included a story about the principal’s nightly ninja school and a story condemning freshmen for being too loud at sporting events. Stewart discussed the stories with his friends, who also couldn’t believe the wild stories were true.

Stewart decided to contact the editor of The Red Onion, senior Logan Flake, about the stories on the page. Flakewas about as perplexed as Stewart.

“The Red Onion is a satire section, so of course the stories are true,” Flake said.

Stewart told Flake that he was going to contact the authorities about the outlandishness of some of the stories. At that, Flake just laughed at him and left the room, claiming the authorities couldn’t do anything about something that was true.