Safe-space lifeguards

Logan Flake, Satire Editor

A new piece of legislation was recently passed in Indiana in preparation for next year’s summer season which will require lifeguards to be on-duty to monitor other lifeguards at all times, making pools safe-spaces.

“In this day and age, you can never be too careful,” Katrina Johnson, creator of the “P.C. is the way to be” Tumblr blog and major advocate for the legislation, said. “Everyone’s always demanding that lifeguards go out there and guard lives, but nobody ever cares to return the favor. Quite frankly, it’s disgusting. This new law will put an end to that real quick.”