When the first tear falls, breathing becomes tenser and the corners of the mouth gently fold down, that’s when a whirlwind of emotions comes pouring out. At the moment, a lot of people may find these sensations and feelings unpleasant because they’re painful. But these feelings are essential and craving them once in a while is healthy.
I’d say that I’m a fairly content person. Sadness isn’t an everyday occurrence for me and sometimes I worry that I’m not remotely human. Along with my chronic dry eye, crying doesn’t come easily to me. Yes, it is okay to make fun of me for that. Why am I an 18 year old girl living in an 80 year old’s body? Please help.
To get back to my point, sadness, like happiness, can be desired. As humans, we live with a spectrum of emotions and we need to feel one to feel the other. They’re very much dependent on one another.
Sometimes I genuinely want to feel sadness. And this isn’t trying to discredit those who have to battle sadness everyday.
Sadness for me feels like one of those cartoon balls full of scribbles. They are mainly used to portray frustration and anger, but I feel it accurately represents sadness for me.
It feels heavy and puzzling, but in some ways it brings a sense of peace. It helps me to truly sit in my own bubble of pity. I can actively embody the feeling of loneliness and connect with my inner self.
In order to connect with this feeling I need something to trigger it. And yes, I was one of those emo middle schoolers that would turn on Adele and cry while looking at themselves in the mirror. Maybe that’s not typical, but in my world it was something I never batted an eye at.
Nowadays, I’m still extremely cringey and I often look up “try not to cry” videos along with watching 30 minute Dr. Phil miracle stories.
Sure, those worked for a while and the flood gates were unhinged. But recently, I’ve taken an interest in books. Specifically those that will brutally rip my heart to shreds with a generic young adult plot and a suspenseful ending.
Being able to connect to characters and engross myself in these books has leveled my sadness game up. Not only do I feel remorse and empathy, but I also experience the feeling of my heart dropping to my feet.
Now, I’m not trying to romanticize sadness, but I am trying to normalize the yearning for it once in a while. For some, sadness can be triggered by a song, making up scenarios, blacking out all the light in a room, watching a sad movie or recalling memories. And for others, sadness can come in other ways, no matter how different they are.
When the sun shines through the rain clouds, and sadness slowly drifts away, I take away amazing lessons each time. Being with my sadness helps me develop more gratitude for those happy times. It also lets my mind know that no feeling is “bad,” something that society often tells us. Feelings are feelings and sadness like many others, should be valued and desired.