Every year, homecoming proposals trend on Instagram, couples pick out matching outfits for prom and so many students declare they’ve found their “forever.”
High school often feels like an amazing time to find romance. But beneath the public displays and the dramatic declarations lies a harder truth. Lasting love is very unlikely to happen in an environment designed to be temporary.
I can’t say that teenage feelings are not intense and sincere. They can feel
exciting, but intensity isn’t equivalent to stability.
Adolescence is a period of rapid emotional growth. Teenagers are still developing impulse control and long-term decision-making skills. The intensity many call “love” is often their emotions heightened. It’s driven by hormones, new experiences and the simple thrill of having someone choose you.
Neuroscience supports this. Researchers at Harvard Medical School explain that the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, impulse control and long-term planning, is not entirely developed until an individual’s mid-twenties.
The study states, “Recent research has shown that human brain circuitry is not mature until the early 20s (some would add, “if ever”). Among the last connections to be fully established are the links between the prefrontal cortex, seat of judgment and problem-solving, and the emotional centers in the limbic system, especially the amygdala. These links are critical for emotional learning and high-level self-regulation.”
Another important aspect that can affect relationships are social dynamics. By publicizing relationships, there’s social pressure to put on a perfect facade. Romance can start to feel performative and shaped by norms rather than private connections.
When emotions shift between academic stress and social excitement in a single night, it can become exhausting to distinguish between deep commitment and intense feelings.
Figuring out who you are is also a part of high school. You’re
still discovering yourself. Promising forever can be misleading.
Lasting love needs two people with secure identities. In high school, that foundation is still under construction.
This can be worsened through pop culture. Internet trends turn relationships into a checklist of labels. The concept of soft and hard launching, situationships and talking stages can quickly ruin a connection.
Instead of focusing on real connection, it can start to feel like you are performing for an
audience. You shouldn’t base your relationship’s worth on online trends. Even after high school ends, life is still in constant flux.
After graduation, people are pulled into different paths because of colleges, jobs and new cities. Relationships can struggle in the midst of busy schedules and different futures. What feels permanent in one place can quickly change at the next.
All in all, high school romance is often a work in progress, but not the final project.
When you still need permission to leave class, promising forever might be just a little ambitious.
