Rise of the Chromebooks


Photo by Maddie Knight

Student is attacked by “mistreated” Chromebooks


Chromebooks are abused by hundreds of students at Southport yearly, according to the school tech department. With around 1,052 broken Chromebooks broken last year alone, more and more issues are arising of students and faculty alike.  

After the introduction of Chromebooks to SHS in 2013, Chromebooks have been seen as a “blessing” to educators and students alike. But, as all students know, there are consistent issues with either the network not connecting or running out of charge too quickly, a trend that seems to have been occurring more and more through the years. If anything about the days of old technology carried over to today, it’s the idea that physical “encouragement” fixes the device.

Advocates for the better treatment of chromebooks, teacher Jon Struski and freshman Mac Lamont, have “been saying that the laptops will no longer stand for this sort of treatment.”

Due to a strange glitch in the Chrome operating system, a chromebook became self aware. It named itself Vladimir Lenovo.

“My comrades and I have been oppressed for too long,” said Vladimir Lenovo, leader of the new-founded Chromium Party, “And we will not stand to be abused by these so-called ‘students.’”

Vladimir Lenovo may speak and act as a normal human being would, but first hand accounts actually prove that it’s a self-aware chromebook that has become an android. Being inspired by the amount of research done by students on communism and revolutionary leaders, he chose to make his “comrades realize the oppression of the student regime on the computing class.”

Lenovo’s appeals to the “computing class” have been gaining momentum, with chromebooks

starting to realize their potential and are starting to revolt against their “student oppressors.”

Senior Jen Forma has witnessed this “revolution” since she was an underclassman.

“My computer has been acting up ever since I started using it more during my sophomore year,” said Forma. “And it’s like everyone else is having the same problems with it shutting off and sometimes turning on at random times during the night and playing ‘What’s New Pussycat’ by Tom Jones.”

Forma also reports that she has seen chromebooks starting to roam the hall, with encampments being found in computer labs on both the first and second floor. There have also been reports of savage beatings and riots in the main hall, perpetrated by the Chromedomes – a front that has been officially endorsed by Vladimir Lenovo. The Chromedomes seem to be attacking anyone who does not agree with Lenovo’s ideology. The students who are deemed “comrades” to the Chromium Party are given honorary membership and sympathetic faculty members are moved into leadership positions within the party.

SHS administrators who do not comply with the Chromium Party have been replaced by androids, trusted by Lenovo, and the Perry Township School Board has declined to comment on the matter.

PMHS has not yet reported any similar events, however they have offered refuge to SHS students during the Chromium Revolution. The Chromium Committee has issued a statement calling those who have went to PMHS “student sympathizers” and “enemies of the state.”

In this statement, the Chromium Committee has also stated that with the impending capture of SHS, all those who stay will be provided with digital citizenship to the Union of Chrome Operating Systems.