Swine hate crimes on the rise


Cobalt Henson

Anti-ham vandalism was spotted in a hall close to a pro-ham classroom.

Holiday spirit is on the rise along with the ham hate crimes. There have been several reports of violent behavior from what people are calling hamophobes and turkey supremacists. These crimes are growing much worse and affecting ham lovers across the nation

Hamophobes believe that ham does not belong in any holiday feast, whether it is Thanksgiving, Christmas or anything in between. Hamophobes strictly believe in turkey for dinner and are considered turkey supremacists. Recent events prove that they are willing to go to extreme measures to ensure their beliefs.

“It’s really sad to see the results of all this hate,” Turk Giblet said. “I’ll admit, I’m a hamophobe,  but I would never go as far as hurting someone or damaging property.”

On Nov. 21, many hamophobes decided to riot outside of the cafeteria lines, after ham dinner became an option, screaming, “No more ham.” Wilder Peck went up to Holly Hamilton and asked if she liked ham. When she said yes his response was violent. Hamilton left with bruised wrists.

One family reported that all of their windows were smashed out after throwing a block party that served multiple hams. They suspect it was the turkey supremacists that live across the street. An investigation is still underway. Manager of the local grocery store Crain Berry witnessed a group of teens coming into his store and attempting to replace all hams with their preferred meat, turkey.

“I truly do not understand,” Hamilton said. “I never really thought it was too serious of an issue until I became a victim of their hate. We should be able to enjoy any meats without being shamed for it.”