Lady Gaga’s newborn baby’s name revealed

Pop star’s lack of ideas leads to Twitter poll that gives her what she was looking for

Logan Flake, Satire Editor

Pop artist and fashion extraordinaire Lady Gaga recently welcomed a new baby girl into the world. In the midst of the excitement of being a mother and realizing that she now had the ability to buy her daughter thousands of quirky outfits, the prospect of naming the newborn never crossed her mind.

“I couldn’t think of anything at all,” Gaga said. “The doctors kept suggesting amateur stuff like “Samantha” and “Jessica,” but I wasn’t buying any of it.

Deliberation continued for three days until doctors were starting to grow unable to justify holding up a room in the hospital for an indecisive parent. When it was finally mentioned that a name was needed to put on the child’s birth certificate, Gaga reportedly screamed “excuse me, do you know who I am? I do what I want” before finally storming out of the hospital with her little girl.

With no other options in sight, Gaga took to Twitter in hopes that someone on the site could help her. She tweeted out a question asking for suggestions for baby names, and after only three minutes, she got exactly what she was looking for.

“I mean, the birth of my baby will forever be the most beautiful event I’ve ever seen,” Gaga said. “But, seeing this tweet pop up on my feed is a close second. It’s everything I could have asked for in a name and then some.”

Twitter user “EpixPrankr96” responded to Gaga’s question with a tweet that read “why don’t you just name her GooGoo? Lol XD.” The reply quickly blew up, breaking the record for reweets in less than 30 seconds with many also subtweeting it with comments like “OMG this guy really got her good XD. Bet you won’t do it, Gaga!”

Luckily, these proposed bets weren’t binding, because if they had been, Gaga would be ever more well-off than she currently is financially. The next day, Gaga tweeted out that the name of her baby was now officially GooGoo Gaga, with the baby’s middle name being “*insert time for drooling and impossibly loud crying*.”

Users immediately responded to the tweet asking Gaga if this was some sort of joke, and she replied with a generally offended response.

“I don’t get why everyone keeps saying this is a ‘meme’ of a name,” Gaga said in one reply. “I’m getting very upset. This is the most beautiful name for a child since ‘North West,’ so all you uncultured swines need to stop the hate or unfollow me.”

When asked to comment on the situation, EpixPrankr96, who was wired over a small loan of $1 million by Gaga for his efforts leading to her naming her child, was unable to comment. His family told The Journal that after the news had broken that Gaga had really named her child GooGoo, he had “fallen to the floor in a state of uncontrollable laughter and passed out.” The family has reportedly been unable to wake him up ever since, but he does show signs of life when Vine compilations are played next to him.