Southport Rocked

Which came first, the egg or the rock?


Junior Ryan Phillips was scrolling through Instagram when he came across a post on the account @soporock. The post, showing the SHS rock, appeared on Jan. 5, just one day after the infamous egg photo. The caption held no clues, only the date of May 25, 2019.

Some speculate that the rock has come to overshadow the egg. Comments saying things such as “Yolk’s on you…” and “You should be terrifried of what comes next…” have sprung up on the posts on the @world_record_egg Instagram account.

The Southport community has embraced the fame brought by the post. One resident says that her novelty shop has increased sales by offering rock themed trinkets, listing them as “on shale” and “a tufa one special.”

“My son showed me the post and I thought it’d be a great idea to drum up some business,” proprietor of Gneiss Gifts, Susan Gneiss said. “I wasn’t sure I could help all the people that come into the store now, everyone loves these rock knickknacks.”

Students at SHS have had trouble getting to school because of all the attention and people the rock has brought to campus. Reporters and paparazzi have been seen crowding the front of the school to get a picture of the famed stone. Car riders and student drivers have had the most difficulty entering and exiting the school.

“Usually, my commute to and from school is about 10 minutes total, but with the addition of having to navigate news trucks and people crowding the street, it now takes and hour,” senior Jade Fletcher said.

The Southport Police Department and Perry Township Police Department have been working tirelessly to control the flow of traffic and manage onlookers loitering around the school. Signs have been installed warning drivers to be wary of “pebble-destrians.”

“We understand that the rock and it’s fame is very exciting, but citizens should be advised that needlessly being near SHS at all hours of the day presents a hazard to those trying to commute and makes our job as police officers a lot more difficult,” Officer Gary Boulder said.

Students of Perry Township have their own theories as to what the purpose of the rock could be. A group of students have started a club to discuss theories on its meaning.

Junior Phoebe Gravel, who founded the club, cites the world record egg as possible inspiration for the rock post.

“It’s clear that whoever posted the picture of Southport’s rock is trying to satirize the world record egg,” Gravel said. “We’ve yet to see why they’re pulling this stunt, though.”

Parody accounts have shown up soon following the original SHS rock photo. News outlets have hired tech savvy interns to prowl social media, trying to figure out who posted the original picture.

“I stumbled on this job after running a meme account for a couple years,” said Stan Lagmite, newly appointed intern at Rock Your Socks Off Media Co. “My first internship was so boring compared to this one, watching my feed for more rock posts is the most interesting thing about my day.”

Researchers from the Instagram Institute of Likability have conducted a survey on the rock’s popularity from the first day it was posted. Results showed that there was a sharp spike of interest the day after posting and interaction with the account and post have increased steadily in recent days.

“The majority of the traffic to the rock profile has been by those aged 16-24,” lead researcher Quentin Quartz said. “Like most social media trends, teenagers and young adults appear most up to date with what’s going on.”

After it was revealed on Feb. 4 that the egg was bringing awareness to mental health and how social media can influence mental states of users, many wonder if the rock user has a similar goal.

Like the egg, the rock has brought on a storm of skepticism by those who don’t support how intensely some people depend on social media to track what’s relevant and ‘hip.’

“Kids these day grow up glued to their phone, it’s just not right,” president of the Grandmothers against Social Media Gladys Raymond said. “They’re spending more and more time with these black boxes and less time with their elders and their family.”

While many opinions are surrounding this developing story, most agree that this might be the single greatest story happening this year at SHS. Rumors suggest that this could lead to a monument dedicated to the humble rock that’s stood its ground in front of SHS for decades.

“We’re thinking about putting a plaque for the rock in the main hallway,” Southport mayor Cary Granite said. “Crimes against the rock might lead to vandalism and monument desecration charges.”