Netflix 2: Electric Boogaloo

Sequel described by CEO as “the same, but different” set to hit TVs everywhere Dec. 1

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Free-use images from Google, photo-illustration by Logan Flake

Netflix CEO Heed Rastings reveals the logo for Netflix 2: Electric Boogaloo. “We think the logo is very reflective of the effort we put into this product,” Rastings said with a totally-not-obvious wink.

Logan Flake, Satire Editor

“Honestly, it felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. To me, in that moment, it wasn’t a mere mortal leading the press conference. I’d swear on my life that it was Christ himself.”

That’s how senior, and Netflix fan, Brandy Wagoner described her experience watching Netflix CEO Heed Rastings announce to the world that on Dec. 1, a second and more powerful variation of his streaming service will be released.

According to Rastings, this new platform will be called Netflix 2: Electric Boogaloo. It’s set to provide users with “hours of entertainment and, in correlation with that, hours upon hours of reflection as to why they just spent a whole afternoon binge-watching a show called ‘My Babysitter is a Russian Spy.’”

“Profits have never been higher here in Netflix land,” Rastings went on to say with a nervous tugging on his shirt collar and a swift wiping of sweat from his face. “So, we figured that now would be a better time than ever to try and thank our fans for their continued support by giving them some time to prepare their wallets for this upcoming second Netflix. It was mostly a courtesy thing, really. It’s not that we need money at all.”

It was after these closing lines that Rastings was aided off of the stage, whilst shaking madly,  by his bodyguards. All of this was met with roars of cheers from the crowd that had grown in capacity after a sign had been put out in front of the event promising all those in attendance a free Doritos Locos taco.

Wagoner wasn’t the only SHS student to express her excitement for the newest incarnation of Netflix.

Freshman Carry Swedran, self-proclaimed hipster and “massive fan of the Walking Dead way before it was cool,” confessed both his feelings towards the current state of Netflix and his optimism for the new product that he “promises (he) will get to and love before anyone else.”

“Netflix has gotten so stale as of late, man,” Swedran said. “I can’t wait to have an entirely new catalog of shows to watch and eventually get sick of all over again. It’s going to be great.”

Junior Kanye Crest says that he has taken it upon himself to prepare months in advance for Netflix 2: Electric Boogaloo’s release.

“I’ve already got all of my snacks stockpiled and ready to throw at the screen when my favorite character in a series dies three episodes in,”  Crest said. “I’m so excited!”