I wear my sunglasses in school


Madelyn Knight

Senior Danny Constant (left) catches senior Iggy Rodriggy (right) off guard with what Rodriggy described as her “hair of death.”

Emma Sprague, Reporter


Senior Iggy Rodriggy was walking through the hallways on a normal Thursday afternoon. He would later come to realize what it feels like to experience true distraction.

“It was so distracting,” Rodriggy said. “My eyes, man. Ow. I was so focused one second and then I wasn’t at all.”

A new rule is being introduced at SHS starting Monday, Aug. 28 that states that the student body cannot express themselves with their hair colors.


“The annoyingly lustrous hair colors are causing blindness throughout the school,” now-blind principal Brian Knight said. “Believe me, I would know.”

The long walks Knight once loved to take through the hallways are now long stumbles full of emotional breakdowns.

“At least I won’t have to see the horrific colors now,” Knight said. “Those bright abominations are tearing this school apart.”

Those who decide to “commit the unholy sin of hair dyeing” are now required to cover it. The administration says that such things cannot be shown. This is causing some confusion among the families of students at SHS. Since students are not allowed to wear hats, the only answer is to shave their heads. Knight has “stumbled the distance” and created a hashtag to help enforce the new rule: #gobaldorgohome